


First Christmas After The Grave

by Carerra_os



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Absent Parents, Billy Hargrove Has a Crush on Steve Harrington, Billy Hargrove Lives, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, Christmas Presents, Family Feels, First Kiss, Hargrove Family Feels minus Neil, M/M, Neil is mentioned but not around anymore, Not Beta Read, Past Child Abuse, Post-Possession, Robin Buckley & Steve Harrington Friendship, Steve Harrington Has a Crush on Billy Hargrove, it's soft just so soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 17:15:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21891940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carerra_os/pseuds/Carerra_os
Summary: It's Billy's first Christmas after the mind flyer, after he woke up months later instead of dying like he was sure he was going to. Billy has mixed feeling about being invited to a party at Harrington's. Doesn't know how to react when Steve gets him a present, doesn't figure it out till Christmas Day.-"I saw it and I thought of you." Steve says it like it is obvious, like it doesn't come with strings. Steve Harrington doesn't do strings though, at least not intentionally, not as far as Billy knows. He totes the kids around, watches them, and gives them free ice cream for nothing in return. Billy can't fathom why he would do anything for the guy who punched his lights out, who left a scar from a shattered dinner plate just shy of his hairline."I didn't get you anything." Billy says for lack of anything forthcoming."It's a gift I don't expect anything in return. I just hope you like it." Steve says awkwardly holding out the messily wrapped box, with blue marbled paper that reminds Billy of the ocean on a cloudy day before the rain sets in and the waves kick up. Billy stares at it, reindeer clutched tight, in one hand he wants to reach out and take it see what Steve Harrington thought he would like.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Comments: 6
Kudos: 167





	First Christmas After The Grave

First Christmas After The Grave

It's been months since Billy miraculously survived being possessed, from being flayed, from being impaled. Billy doesn't find it all that miraculous, the recover had been exhausting and painful, it had been summer when he was sure he dies the dredges of new spring were just setting in when he’d woken again. Everyone else seems to think it a miracle though, including the weird scientists that occasionally come around to make sure the mind flyer hasn't left anything behind, that it hasn’t somehow come back.

Billy is just a survivor. He survived Neil, he survived the grotesque thing that used him like a puppet, the things it made him do, and most importantly and surprisingly he survived being impaled. Billy survived all of this but he isn't sure he is going to survive a Christmas party at the Harrington's.

Billy doesn't really want to go to some posh party that will no doubt be over the top, Billy's heard about the Harrington's Christmas parties from Tommy and Carol. The only positive that can come from this party is Billy getting to see Steve, it's one thing Billy actually looks forward to these days. They don't actually talk or anything, but Steve waves at Billy every time they're paths cross and it, it helps. It also annoys Billy to no end that his stomach wants to flip and burn with any acknowledgment from Steve.

So Billy has one thing that makes the prospect almost bearable but he still doesn't want to go. Susan and Max are insistent he go with them though. Since Neil fucked off to God knows where and Billy lived, they've both been insistent he interact with them, have started treating him like they’re all actually family.

Things haven't been bad with Neil gone, they've been easy, bearable, nice even. Susan doesn't force him out of the house despite Neil being her only true connection to Billy. They certainly hadn't bonded under Neil's reign. Billy is pretty sure Max's new obsession with keeping an eye on him, of staying close to him, because for some reason she has decided to care about Billy, is the main reason he was allowed to stay in the beginning.

Susan's been real good about it though, especially as he hasn't been allowed to work or do much of anything since he work up months ago. Once he is given the okay to drive again, he drops Susan off at which ever job she's working, picks her back up when she's done. He gets the car, Susan thought he would like the freedom, with the concession he has to take Max wherever she wants to go.

It's fine, he fusses about it sure but now it's the only time he really leaves the house outside of doctor visits and sometimes he gets to see Steve. Billy doesn't actually want to go anywhere most of the time, spends days under the lamp in his room covered in every blanket he can find. Remembers being cold and in the dark too often, it makes him nervous, makes him remember flashes of things he'd been forced to do. It makes him angry, hates feeling vulnerable.

Now though, now the doctors have brought up Billy getting out of the house more. His therapist worried about him isolating himself, and mentioned that to Max because he is a traitor. So now Steve Harrington, pretty boy, a man he once beat unconscious, a man he really likes to look at, has gone so far as to invite Billy to a Christmas party, and Max and Susan are insistent he attend.

Billy dreads it especially when Susan presents him with a button up for the occasion, pristine and white. Just makes Billy's frustration with going to some over the top posh thing build. Billy has heard about the parties Steve Harrington's parents have thrown in the past, they missed Christmas last year from what Tommy had told him, no doubt they'll go over the top this year to make up for it.

Susan is insisting they all dress nice, Billy is pretty sure the only reason she doesn't present him with a pair of dress pants and shoes is that she knows that would be pushing Billy too far. Max isn't pleased with the dress Susan forces her into and that soothes his annoyance some, at least he isn't the only one being pressured into dressing up. It's not even Christmas yet, they aren't going to church, Max is aghast about having to wear a dress. Susan ignores Max when she says Steve explicitly told her they can dress however they please, that dressing up isn't necessary. Billy doubts Steve's parents would take to kindly to them showing up dressed down.

Billy dresses listening to Max fuss more about her dress. It's his first time going out someplace really, hasn’t been to a party since the mind flyer got it’s hooks in him, and he has a reputation so despite the cold and the snow sticking to the ground outside Billy still leaves almost all of his buttons undone. His scars are on display but he has never been self-conscious about his body and he's not about to start now, has worked hard after the coma to get all his muscles back. Sleepless nights when the horrors flash behind his eyes and he can find no rest are spent working out, till he can find peace in exhaustion.

His hair bothers him a little though. It's short, much shorter than he has had it in years, lose curls tumbling over his forehead. They'd shaved it while he was unconscious in the hospital, the gunk left behind from the mind flyer making it necessary. Billy had raised hell, as much hell as a man with a tube down his throat can when he'd seen what they had done to him, more upset by his missing curls than any of the tubes sticking from him. It's better now, grown out, his curls are back, nowhere near they're original splendor, still so much shorter, but it's growing on him.

Billy drives so Susan can make sure the deviled eggs she made don't tip and smash into the sides of their container. Max in the back seat keeps pulling at her dress annoyed and trying to get comfortable in all the crinoline and velvet. Billy isn't sure how she got away with wearing her sneakers suspects Susan doesn't realize she snuck them on instead of the heals Susan had told her to put on.

Billy is surprised that the drive way lacks posh sleek cars, he recognizes the few cars littering the space. The only outward signs of Christmas is a wreath on the door, it is standard basic, not something Billy would expect here. It's the exact opposite of what Tommy had described one time when they'd been drunk at a party and Tommy had been reminiscing about the 'good old days'.

Somehow it is a surprise when Dustin yanks open the door, not his presence at the house, he is practically attached to Steve's hip any time Billy sees him, his casual dress is. Dustin is not dressed up not really, the only indication that anything specific is going on from looking at him is the homemade Star Wars Christmas sweater he is wearing. "Hey Max." Dustin pulls a face when his eyes land on Billy, gets a glare from both Billy and Max for it. "Steve your guests here!"

Something about the way Dustin says it, eyes still on Billy makes heat prick at the back of his neck. "Move aside Henderson it's freezing out here." Max pushes past Dustin ignoring her mother’s chiding remark to be polite. Billy just smirks following her in. Dustin grumbles but shuts the door behind them blocking out the cold trying to creep in.

Christmas music blares form somewhere in the house and Billy can hear the other kids, sees El run by and she's wearing the tackiest reindeer get up Billy has ever seen. Dustin puts on a good pretend face as he ushers them further in shooting Billy a suspicious looks the entire time. Dustin has hated Billy ever since he let his rage take over and took out his feelings on Steve’s face. 

"Merry Christmas." Steve greats as he shows up in the doorway to the kitchen. Billy feels that heat grow, trickle down to his stomach as he looks at Steve flour on one of his cheeks. His hair is sticking up like hands have been in it, probably his own from what Billy has heard Max say on the subject of Steve's lack of a love life. The kids seem to think he needs to get out there and date someone. Billy's jaw had ached when he overheard Max telling Susan.

Steve's got an apron on a frilly thing with flowers all over it, the hand knitted sweater underneath has a messy Christmas pattern. Steve has comfortable looking jeans on, one of the knees worn out and he's barefoot. He looks comfortable, relaxed and at peace in a why he Billy has never seen him. The opposite of posh high society party host his parents raised him to be, oven mitts keeping his long fingers form view. It's a look Billy can really appreciate.

"You made me where this dress and Steve is dressed like that!" Max complains loudly as she pulls at the collar of her dress.

"Max!" Susan hisses her cheeks heating in embarrassment.

Steve's cheeks turn pink as he lets out a little laugh waving Susan’s embarrassment off. "You look beautiful, you all do." Steve flushes darker when his eyes land on Billy. Billy smirks puffs up a little even as his belly simmers with heat. "You didn't have to dress up though, we aren't doing anything fancy. My parents aren't here so just dinner." Steve moves to wrap his arms around his stomach, to self sooth, before realizing it's a bad idea with the oven mitts on. Billy relaxes slightly more comfortable with the atmosphere, with the knowledge that the notoriously prissy Harrington seniors are not on the premises.

"And presents." Dustin adds, Steve rolls his eyes chuckling. 

"Yeah the kids are doing presents. Make yourselves at home everyone else is in the living room."

"We brought these." Max stops him holding up the container of deviled eggs Susan made. Susan has the gifts Max is exchanging with the other children, Billy offered to carry them but he definitely hadn't wanted to and when Susan had waved him off he hadn't protested.

"Oh you didn't have to make anything." Steve says but takes the container from Max with a smile.

"It's not much." Susan says self-consciously, it ruffles something in Billy makes him want to snap. Susan's been real good to him, treats him like he isn't a pariah now that Neil is gone. It doesn't make up for how he was treated before but he is aware of his own flaws, therapy has shown him he has a lot. So Susan feeling any sort of way like she had when Neil had been around irritates him.

"No, no this is great. Me and Will both love deviled eggs. I didn't have any paprika left to make them though." Steve says giving her a bright warm smile that soothes Billy as Susan relaxes some next to him. Of course Steve responds sweetly, kindly, Susan is practically beaming. "Thank you so much."

"Can I help in the kitchen?" Susan offers nervous she hasn't been around the kids or the other parents much, busy working to keep everything afloat another thing that rankles Billy. He only got the all clear to be looking for a job just this morning, feels useless and trapped sitting on his ass hiding from the world.

"If you want, Mrs. Henderson and I have most of it covered but we wouldn't turn away help. Especially since we keep being abandoned." Steve says eyeing Dustin who grins before grabbing Max's hand and pulling, Max grabs the gifts from her mother as they make an escape into the living room both giggling.

"I haven't meet Mrs. Henderson yet." Susan says eyes bright, the prospect of meeting someone one on one far more appealing than facing the living room full of people. Susana slips past Steve when he indicates for her to head that way.

Steve lingers eyes on Billy. "Glad to see you up and about." Steve hedges teeth in his bottom lip in a way that draws Billy's eye. This is strange, they don't usually speak, Steve normally keeps his distance, hasn't gotten close to Billy not since Billy kissed his face with a fist and a dinner plate.

"Sure." Billy sneers doesn't need anyone to pretend especially doesn't want Steve to pretend with him. Billy knows he hurt him, there is no reason for Steve to pretend with him. Billy has done terrible things, the worst of it was done under the possession of the mind flyer, but him beating Steve unconscious all those months ago that had been all Billy. Billy angry and taking it out on Steve who'd only been trying to protect the kids, protect Max because she'd been afraid of him back then.

"No really, I was worried about you." Steve admits eye earnest as he awkwardly shrugs.

"I don't need you being worried about me." Billy may know he has problems but that doesn't mean he has worked through the majority. Billy just can't fathom Steve with his big bambi eyes worrying over him even as it warms him. Doesn't really know how to respond to the concern. 

"Well I was anyway." Steve huffs with a glare oven mitts resting on his hips. Billy looks away doesn't have a response to that, feels that warmth flood him with the declaration, a different warmth from the simmering heat of his stomach, at the notion that his absence has been noted. Noted by someone who Billy can't seem to keep his mind off of ever, who’s absence Billy would in turn notice.

Steve sighs drawing Billy's attention back to him. "It's pretty crowded in there, and I know they can be a lot. So if you want you can disappear upstairs to my room if you need. It's the only open door. Window opens and there is an ashtray, just try to blow the smoke out of the house. I'm glad you're alive." Steve disappears before Billy can even think to respond.

-b

All of the kids are in the living room when Billy hedges in, doesn't try to make an entrance like he would have before the possession, doesn’t feel the need to draw attention here maybe if this was some high school party but it’s not is an intimate gathering at Steve Harrington’s house. It's modestly decorated a few Christmas bubbles and a Christmas tree that is covered in mostly handmade ornaments. Billy is pretty sure Steve got the kids to do it, the ornaments clump together, some spots left completely bare. He recognizes Max and El's handy work on a few of the decorations, similar to the cards and pictures that had littered his hospital room.

Karen Wheeler eyes him with hunger till her eyes land on the scars over his chest and Billy feels vindictive when she flinches. He didn't dress up for her, or anyone other than himself. He also feels self-conscious, agitation trying to cling to him, jaw clenching refusing to give into that feeling. 

Hopper is passing by and hands Billy a beer in a cozie. "Don't tell anyone kid." Hops is gruff but gentle as he claps a hand on Billy's shoulder before making his way over to Joyce who is holding a conversation with Nancy and Johnathan. Billy takes a seat in an arm chair pushed to the side of the room away from the others, drinks his beer and just watches the kids animatedly talking and playing.

Susan makes an appearance an hour later to let everyone know the food is ready. Apparently they had been the last to arrive, no one else came in while Billy sat off to the side. The kids make a mad dash for the dining room. The parents trickling out slowly after them, Billy waits a beat before following not wanting to get caught up in the mayhem. 

It's all laid out buffet style, and someone has placed the deviled eggs on a fancy silver tray and placed it front and center. Will isn't the only one with deviled eggs on his plate, though he does have the most, and Susan looks absolutely delighted as she fills her own plate and makes conversation with the Sinclairs.

Billy notices Steve's absence immediately, can hear someone moving around in the kitchen. Billy moves a little closer to the open kitchen walkway that leads to the dining room. Steve is there sans oven mitts as he presses pie dough into a pan, a large bowl of orange pumpkin paste next to him.

Billy just watches him for a long moment, Steve is confident in his movements like he has done this thousands of times, sure of himself the way Billy always imagined him when Tommy spoke of King Steve. Billy is broken form his watching by El who tugs on his arm till he moves to the table to get a plate of food.

Billy ends up with way more food than he can possibly eat, El keeps adding stuff when he wasn't paying attention giving him pleased smiles that make any argument die on Billy's lips. He tries to go back to his arm chair but El drags him to the love seat, where Max takes up residence on his other side. He finds it difficult to deny El anything, ends up driving her around almost as often as Max.

Dustin is giving him another look but doesn't say anything as Robin sits in front of El and steals the roll off of his plate. "STEVE!" Billy flinches at the shrill tone and the girls cover their ears as Dustin practically screams, there is clattering form the kitchen before Steve comes in looking panicked.

"What? What's wrong?" Steve asks eyes scanning the room for any sign of danger.

"Your girlfriend stole my roll!" Mrs. Henderson tuts in disapproval at her son from her spot on the couch for yelling over something so insignificant.

Steve sighs and relaxes a laugh spilling from his mouth, Billy has never seen Steve actually laugh, not like this, not full and happy, it brings that fire back full force even as he wants to kick at Robin angrily. "First of all Robin isn't my girlfriend, she's my friend I don't know why I keep having to say that. Secondly just go get another one, we made plenty." Steve turns but doesn't make it out of the room before Dustin speaks up. Billy feels the need to kick Robin dissipate with the knowledge that she isn't dating Steve.

"I don't wanna move." Dustin whines Steve shrugs and leaves anyway as Dustin pouts and Robin snickers as she takes a large bite of the roll. A few minutes later a roll comes flying by and lands in Henderson's lap. Billy snickers at Steve giving in as Dustin gives a delighted high pitched 'thanks'.

"Oh dingus you're so easy." Robin calls and Billy sees Steve flip her off before he is disappearing again a plate of his own in hand as he makes his way back into the kitchen. Billy wants to follow after him, instead he tucks into his own plate.

-b

After he finishes eating Billy gets up to deposit his plate, in the kitchen maybe, Billy isn't actually sure what to do with it. Joyce saves him the trouble of figuring it out collects his plate from him before turning to collect them form the kids. Billy takes the chance to reclaim his seat toward the back of the room, where things are a little less active and he can stare out the sliding glass door.

Henderson won't give it a rest about opening presents, doesn't stop loudly talking about it till Steve comes back into the room, the last desert finished. He takes up residence on the love seat with Robin, sitting close in a way that Billy doesn't really like. Especially when Robin says something and Steve nearly bends in half laughing, Billy isn't accustom to this sort of feeling, isn't used to so much of Steve being casual and happy. Angry at Steve for laughing, that's not it, no he is angry at Steve for laughing for Robin, no that not quite right either. Jealous, Billy is jealous, he has never felt it quite like this, never wanted to be the reason someone laughed like that before. Billy pushes it down and stares out the window instead choosing to ignore everyone else.

Billy is startled when a gift is shoved at him and then another, he wasn't expecting anything much less two gifts. Was pretty sure the gift thing was just for the kids, Nancy and Johnathan aren't holding any and neither are any of the adults. Steve has a gift in his lap wrapped in the same reindeer wrapping paper as the smaller of the two gifts pressed to him. No one is looking at him except El who has pressed the parcels into his hands with a knowing smile before she is darting back over to her own pile of presents.

One is from El herself wrapped in that reindeer paper it is the ugliest reindeer stuffed animal he has ever seen, but it makes his heart clench and his eyes sting, which makes him angry because it is just a stupid fucking stuffed animal. But she thought of him, and it's been a long time since anyone has just gotten something for Billy without breaking him first.

Billy leaves the other present unopened dumps it in the seat, needs to compose himself. Needs to escape before this feeling breaks out in a destructive way, something he is known for, the proof of it a thin white line marring Steve’s pretty face. So he does, tacky reindeer stuffed animal clutched in his hand he makes his escape. Climbs the stairs and finds the open door of Steve's room, digs the cigarettes from his pocket and lights one up.

-b

Billy makes it through three cigarettes before anyone bothers him. There is an awkward cough and a hesitant knock on the doorframe. Tuning he sees Steve holding the second package, the one Billy didn't open. Feet shuffling, Steve rubs at the back of his neck, teeth in his bottom lip, all clear indications to Billy. Steve is nervous, nearly always a little nervous around Billy, Billy did scar his pretty face and beat him unconscious after all he is right to be nervous.

"You didn't open it." Steve shrugs awkwardly holding the present out, his eyes come up for a moment wide and sad. It kind of makes Billy feel bad for fleeing the living room, almost. Fleeing form his feelings and the storm that second package could unleash. Billy doesn't know if he wants to punch Steve or kiss him, probably both for making him feel any sort of way other than detached. Billy won't punch Steve not ever again though, but he also isn't about to kiss him either, not during a Christmas party Billy didn’t even want to be at, not when he feels this sort of vulnerable.

"Why did you get me a present?" Billy can't really help the way the words hiss out of his mouth more accusation and threat than question. Feels cornered, presents come with strings, with pain. Bill clutches the reindeer in his hand, El didn't hurt him but this too had come with pain. He feels the phantom pains of being impaled the chill of the open window a reminder that he knows what true cold feels like.

"I saw it and I thought of you." Steve says it like it is obvious, like it doesn't come with strings. Steve Harrington doesn't do strings though, at least not intentionally, not as far as Billy knows. He totes the kids around, watches them, and gives them free ice cream for nothing in return. Billy can't fathom why he would do anything for the guy who punched his lights out, who left a scar from a shattered dinner plate just shy of his hairline.

"I didn't get you anything." Billy says for lack of anything forthcoming.

"It's a gift I don't expect anything in return. I just hope you like it." Steve says awkwardly holding out the messily wrapped box, with blue marbled paper that reminds Billy of the ocean on a cloudy day before the rain sets in and the waves kick up. Billy stares at it, reindeer clutched tight, in one hand he wants to reach out and take it see what Steve Harrington thought he would like. The other part of him built from pain and blood doesn't want to touch it. Doesn't want Steve to know he wants it.

"Steve!" Dustin's voice breaks the silence and Steve jumps startled. Billy sees the way he looks at the shadows of the room like something might be lurking, Billy does the same thing more often than he cares to admit. Hard to not look for monsters in the shadows when you know the monsters are real.

"I'm going back down stairs, just take it, it's yours. I can't return it even if you hate it, but I hope you don’t you know hate it." Steve mumbles setting the present on his boring plaid bedspread looking unsure and sad. Billy clenches the reindeer tighter watches the way Steve's shoulders hunch till he pauses at the door, straightening and plastering a smile on his face like he is going to battle. Maybe he is, that's certainly a feeling Billy can sympathize with.

Billy fills the room with smoky air, staring at the wrapped gift sitting on Steve's been. Looks innocent enough but Billy knows gifts come with strings, he doesn't know if he's ready for them.

-b

Max comes to find him when it's time to leave eyes disapproving as she waves her hand in front of her face at the smoke that Billy has been blowing in the room since Steve left. Max grabs the present before Billy can decide if he is taking it with him or not, still doesn't know if he's going to open it.

Steve is by the door with Susan handing a pie over to her and saying good night. Steve's eyes catch on the present in Max's hands and he doesn't look surprised but he does look sad. Billy doesn't like that look feels guilty for putting it there. Billy ducks his head and makes his exit, tells himself it's to get the car warm, but deep down he knows he is running from that look.

-b

Max shoves the gift on Billy's bed when she drags him out to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas with her and Susan. Susan hands him a plate with the pie Steve sent her home with, it's not the pumpkin one Billy had seen him making. This one is full of winter berries and it just might be the best pie Billy has ever eaten. Max and Susan certainly seem to be of a similar mind as they get seconds.

By the time A Christmas Story comes on the pie is gone and Susan is complaining over eating too much. Max is plotting the best way to convince Steve to make another one and Billy is ready to enable all of her ploys.

Billy is tired when he finally leaves them Max dozing against Susan's side on the couch. Offers to put her to bed, Susan waves him off hands combing through Max's hair. Billy smiles watches them for a second, a sense of peace settling in him.

The gift on his bed tries to wipe it out, anxiety stirring. Billy shoves it to the ground, turns the light out and settles in. Out of sight out of him at least that's what he keeps telling himself. It takes him longer than normal drift off to sleep, takes an extra blanket and the light going back on before he finally starts to drift. Steve's sad look haunting him as much as the horrors of the upside down.

-b

Billy leaves the present till Christmas eve, waits till Max and Susan are in bed, till he is alone in the safety of his room. That is a new feeling, feeling safe in his room, feeling safe anywhere really. It comes and goes these days with flashbacks of the possession but no one has hurt him since Neil.

Billy sits in the center of his bed gift in front of him for a long moment, reads the little gift tag for maybe the hundredth time. Could probably forge Steve's signature with the way he has obsessively traced it with his fingers. Likes the way his name looks in Steve's neat scroll.

Billy works the two folded sides open, flips the gift, finds the seam and works his finger up it slowly. The paper crinkles as he pulls a plain white box out, works his fingers on the sides and lifts the top. A layer of tissue paper is revealed and Billy shakes his head at all the effort, tares it out of the box with impatiens.

Billy is surprised to find a beautiful leather jacket, he had lost track of his while he was possessed. Worn it when he had been freezing at the height of summer and the mind flyer had done something to it. Billy isn't sure what but he hasn't gone looking for it either, sure whatever ghosts he finds along the way won't be worth it. It probably isn't even salvageable, not if it's like anything else he wore during that time. Grimy, stained with black goo from the upside down, worn down beyond repair.

The jacket is supple, has that new leather scent, one his old jacket never had since he found it at a thrift store. The label is one he has never heard of, not that he is surprised, Billy doesn't often pay attention to such things. His fingers tremble as they ghost over the cool metal of the zipper contrasting with the softness of the leather.

It's perfect, it's the most beautiful leather jacket Billy has ever seen. Billy shakes as he pulls it out of the box it's very similar to the cut of his old one, after a few years no one will even know it is a different jacket. Billy lets the blanket fall from his shoulders and slips the jacket on the inside smooth and silky against his bare skin as he pads across the room to his mirror.

It fits him just right tight but not so much that he can't wear whatever he wants underneath, the dark leather contrasting with his tan skin in the lowlight of the room. Billy turns, tests the fit, isn't sure how Steve got the measurements this right, has a guess Max may have had a hand in it.

Billy has seen them with their heads bent together speaking low when he has picked her up before, never really thought to much on it. Steve is weirdly close to all the kids, something that struck Billy as weird, creepy even till he found out about the upside down. They're bonded from all they've been through together, from the horrors they’ve faced. Sometimes Billy is a little resentful of that closeness, wants that closeness with Steve for himself.

Billy gives himself another long look in the mirror, admiring, hands sliding down the front edges of the jacket smoothing it over his bare skin. Billy moves to take it off, hesitates, and instead slips into bed still wearing the jacket. Billy finds he doesn't need quite as many blankets, wrapped in leather sleep comes easy.

-b

Billy wakes up to Max she is excited Billy can tell but she doesn't rush into his room, doesn't bang on the door. She opens it and calls Billy's name voice low till he starts waking. She doesn't move closer till Billy's eyes open, so careful after everything not to do anything that might send Billy reeling. The first couple times it pissed him off to be treated different, but as he got used to this new dynamic he started to appreciate it, not that he is ever going to admit that to her, not with words anyhow.

"Five more minutes." Billy insists tossing an arm over his eyes the leather encasing his arm warm against the cooled skin of his face. Billy doesn't miss Max's hand caressing the sleeve of the jacket, kind of wants to pull away, doesn't want to share the softness of the leather with anyone else. Max wisely doesn’t comment on him finally opening the gift from Steve.

"Billy it's Christmas get up so we can have breakfast mom is making pancakes." Billy frowns at the words because while Susan tries she is a terrible cook. The prospect of Susan making food is more threat than incentive to get up.

"Alright, alright I am up, go distract Susan before she burns the house down. I'll be there in a minute." Billy sighs letting his arm fall to the bed. Max grins, and Billy knows this is the outcome she was aiming for.

"Thanks Billy. Merry Christmas." Max whispers with a bright smile before dashing out of the room to do as she has been told. Billy gets out of bed and pulls on pants and a pair of thick socks someone had left him in his things at the hospital. He leaves the jacket on as he pads into the kitchen.

Max is doing her job distracting Susan by trying to open presents before it's time. They're arguing playfully, and neither notices him. He tastes the batter by the stove, it's off and he tosses it, makes quick work of remaking it. Grabs the milk and fills a pot to simmer as he heats butter in a pan. Billy makes pancakes perfect golden brown as the milk heats slowly. Grabs chocolate from the cabinet and let's it melt in the milk as he finished up the pancakes. When both are done he puts the full plate of pancakes on their little table and fills three mugs with the hot chocolate dumps a fistful of marshmallows in each.

"Foods on." Billy calls breaking them from their argument turned reminisce as Susan tells stories form Max's early Christmases.

"Thanks Billy, Merry Christmas." Susan eyes the jacket with a smile but doesn't mention it, comes over and tucks a piece of Billy's hair behind his ear as she passes by to grab plates and silverware. It's too short to stay and the strand makes its way back into his face but Billy still feels warmed at the gesture, reminds him what it was like before his mom passed.

"Merry Christmas." Billy says softly to both of them as he takes a seat. Max has already drunk half of her hot chocolate by the time they're tucking into the food.

-b

After breakfast Max puts on Christmas music, and Billy generally can't stand it, had enough at Steve's party but as Susan and Max sing along he supposes a little more isn't so bad. The tree is a little barren, the holes filled in with homemade ornaments. The house is warm, light low in the early morning, snow whips around outside the windows, the outside world cast in a blue gray light, that Billy has learned always comes with snow.

Max is practically vibrating out of her skin with excitement when Billy hands her a present. It not much, an old band shirt form the back of his closet that doesn't fit anymore that he knows she has been coveting since California and some stuff to keep her skateboard in shape. She's delighted by both and is pulling on the tee shirt immediately over he pajama top.

Billy gives Susan a few books he thinks she will like some are form his own collection and a few he picked up at a used bookstore. She is delighted most of her own books had been trashed by Neil in their short time together. Billy always kept his in the trunk of his car where they were relatively safe, someone had salvaged them from the wreckage of his Camaro before it had been scrapped. Now though, now that it's just the three of them he has a small beat-up bookshelf filled to the brim with his books.

Susan and Max give him clothes mostly to replace the ones the mind flyer gunk had seeped into and destroyed. The stains just wouldn't leave no matter what they tried. Billy appreciates them but his favorite thing they get him by far is the stack of used records they've collect for him from various thrift stores and garage sales. Another thing of Billy’s Neil had destroyed, the ones that had survived Neil were taken by the man when he left town. Billy had been pissed but at the time he was to tired and worn down from recovery to even think about figuring out how to replace them, had just gotten used to the radio and whatever Max or Susan wanted to put on. They managed to find some of his favorites and Billy looks forward to annoying Max by playing his music to loud again. 

When they're done and the wrappings have been tossed in the trash, they sit around the living room as another Christmas movie plays waiting for the Christmas parade to air. Max has her skateboard out and is working on the wheels while Susan braids her hair into a fiery red crown. Billy is content fingers stroking over the leather of his jacket as he watches snow fall outside the window.

-b

"He's at home, he's probably going to be alone for most of the day, maybe even all of it." Max's voice breaks Billy from staring out the window. Max is right in front of him, Susan dozed off twenty minutes ago in the middle of the televised Christmas parade.

"Who?" Billy pretends to not know even as his finger curl over the leather cuff, he hasn't taken it off since last night, had briefly considered doing so while cooking breakfast, almost unbearably hot over the stove, but couldn't bring himself to part with it just yet.

Max stares him down for a long minute before rolling her eyes. "We both know, you know I'm talking about Steve."

Billy shrugs. "I'm sure he is busy with his parents."

Max frowns. "They haven't come home in a few years form what Dustin said, not since right after all the upside down stuff started happening. No one has seen them and Steve doesn't really talk about it but he is definitely lonely. I think it's why he gives in so easily to the party’s demands to drive them around."

It kind of breaks Billy's brain the knowledge that Steve is all alone on Christmas. Something he may have wished for when he was younger but never got. Despite it all Billy has always had family around on Christmas was never alone and it was the one time of year Billy could count on Neil to not beat him. Something about Christmas had softened Neil, Billy was always safe till after new year’s when whatever posed Neil to be lenient passed.

It doesn't seem right to Billy that Steve would be all alone on Christmas day. Billy doesn’t like that Steve's parents apparently abandoned him for the holiday last year as well, and the year before that. The idea that Steve's life is even less perfect than Billy imagined rankles.

"You should go see him, I bet he would appreciate the company, maybe even enough to make another pie." The end is hopeful, and Billy snorts because of course Max has an ulterior motive, she's smart like that.

"Trying to get me to do your dirty work?" Billy teases, as he pulls lightly on a curl that has escaped the crown braid Susan wove of Max's hair. El is going to be envious if she sees it, and will likely demand Hopper try and recreate the look. Billy hopes he's around for it.

"Well yeah I know how to play the game, and Steve is almost as easy for you as he is for Dustin and Robin. He won’t say no if you ask." The feeling is back in his chest the one that makes him want to hide, but Billy has spent months, years, his whole life hiding from one thing or another. Maybe he doesn’t want to keep hiding, doesn’t mean he isn’t still scared. 

"You sound so sure about that." Billy rasps voice thick as he tucks his hands into his jacket pockets.

"Who do you think drove me to the hospital every day when Susan was working, or drove me around to all the garage sales."

"It seems more like he is easy for you." Billy can't help the little growl that enters his voice annoyed.

"He sat with you every day while you were unconscious, read to you and everything. He only stopped coming in once you woke up because he figured you wouldn't want him there. The garage sales and the thrift stores were his idea to help find the records. He bought you this fancy jacket." Max's fingers run along the sleeve of his jacket, just like they had this morning.

"He invited you to Christmas dinner even though it pissed of Dustin. He hates upsetting Dustin. Dustin wouldn't talk to him for a whole week, Steve was practically beside himself but he didn't budge on the issue. Insisted you come, he has got a huge soft spot for you." Max's words break at Billy. Drag that hopeful feeling he is always trying to bury right to the surface.

"I didn't get him anything." Billy says as way of denial.

"Steve doesn't expect anything, but oh man you should have seen his face when he opened the dumb bambi stuffed animal El picked out for him. All surprised and then he teared up, ended up hiding his face in Robin's shoulder while she laughed at him. He was ecstatic but he doesn't expect anything and he would be just as ecstatic with your company as he was with that hideous stuffed animal."

Billy aches, because he has a good idea of why El picked that stuffed animal. She had gotten a pretty big view into his head, not just the bad stuff, kid smiles and giggles any time she catches Billy looking at Steve. Billy would be mad about the intrusion but she did save him, she had looked at his life and understood his pain, she gave him what he needed to break free from the mind flyer. She gave him what he needed to start to break free from all of the trauma that built him.

"I thought you and El were friends?" Billy asks as way of changing the subject, they're practically attached at the hip most days.

"Of course we are but I have much better taste than her." Max claims chin held high.

"Brat." Billy teases.

"So are you gonna go or what?" Max turns serious with a huff.

"Yeah, Yeah I am." Billy nervously chews on his lip as he stands makes up his mind.

"Don't forget the pie!" Max calls after him when he heads to his room to put on some real pants.

-b

Billy stands in front of Steve’s door staring at that wreath hands shoved in his pocket shivering for at least twenty minutes before he works up the nerve to knock. Billy parked the car on the opposite side of the road, more in front of the neighbor’s house than Steve’s, didn’t want it to give him away, so he could change his mind if he wanted. It takes Billy that twenty minutes to get his feeling sorted and his emotions under control.

He shivers waiting for the door to open. Worries that maybe Max is wrong maybe Steve isn't home, or worse maybe he won’t want to see Billy, maybe he is with someone else. Billy burns at the thought of Steve curled up with some girl, burns brighter at the thought of his curled up to another guy that isn’t Billy.

Billy's fists are clenched in his jacket pockets when the door flies open just as a car pulls up. Feels it like a slap when it's Robin standing behind the door, in a silly comfortable looking oversized onesie, her hair a mess. Billy's cheeks burn embarrassed and angry at himself, shouldn't have let himself hope, shouldn't have thought he could have someone like Steve.

"Steve get your ass down here I don't care how stupid you look, you're going to be fucking ecstatic!" Robin holler loudly grin manic, she grabs Billy's arm and drags him into the house before he can protest.

"I was just on my way out, tell him he can't have it back. I'll be back by eleven and I know where he keeps the bat so behave." Robin threatens him before dashing out of the house. Billy blinks confused, thrown by her excitement, at her just leaving her with Steve, who he scared with a dinner plate.

The wind keeps the door from closing, Billy just barely manages to catch it before it hits him in the back. He watches as Robin practically throws herself into the car, into the girl driving. They're kissing, oh, so her and Steve really aren't together and just trying to hid it from the kids. Good, good, Billy is glad to have this new information, feels that burning jealousy leave him.

"I swear if you invited Ashley over to make me the third wheel again, I am going to cry. It's Christmas, this is my house, and it's mean." Steve calls back from somewhere upstairs and Billy blinks closes the door and turns his attention to the stairs.

"Robin has left the building princess."

There is a few bangs form upstairs before Steve comes barreling down the stairs nearly toppling over in his haste. Freezes when he gets to the bottom of the stairs and sees Billy bites his lips nervously heat engulfing his face. Steve’s eyes are large and wide, the epitome of why Billy thinks of him as bambi when he's alone with his hand, when they land on the jacket.

Steve looks ridiculous and Billy doesn't understand how he still wants this mess of a person standing before him. He has got what look like women's Christmas themed pajamas on, his ankles on display, they're tight, leaving little to the imagination and Billy has to resist adjusting himself. The top is just as bad, several inches of skin on display of Steve's stomach give a clear view of the dark hair that disappears into the waistband of the pants.

"You like the jacket?" Steve sounds a little breathless as a smile pulls across his lips. "It looks good on you." Steve's eyes go a little wide like he didn't mean to say that out loud. "Not that you don't you know normally look good. It’s just, I mean, um, I'm just going to stop now while I am ahead." Steve looks like he wants the floor to swallow him whole, face flaming, a shade of red Billy didn't know the human body was capable of.

"What are you wearing?" Billy asks giving Steve an out while still picking on him, can't help the way his eyes travel the length of Steve's body.

Billy watches as that flush travels down the length of Steve's neck, wonders how far he can get it to go. "Uh, they're Robin's she said they would fit and I knew they wouldn't. She wouldn’t leave it alone till I agreed to try them on. Where is Robin?" Steve's arms going around his stomach, hiding his midsection from view, the sleeves rise higher.

"Some chick came and picked her up, said she'd be back by eleven."

"She left?" Steve sounds upset, it annoys Billy, maybe they are dating, maybe they're all dating. "She stole my pajamas!" Steve tone is all indignant disappointment as his hands frame his hips. The annoyance fades from Billy as a laugh bubbles up. Steve just kind of stalls out for a moment stares at Billy before he shakes his head smiling.

"You gonna invite me in pretty boy?"

"Technically you already are in, but yeah come on, I'll take your coat." Steve offers with a hesitant smile looks pleased and nervous at the same time. Billy is unzipping the coat before he remembers he didn't both to put a shirt on before coming, Steve makes a startled gasping noise and Billy feels a flush rise high on his cheeks.

"Jesus are you allergic to shirts, it is freezing out. Don't move I'm getting you a sweater, and a blanket. Do you want hot chocolate? I'm making you hot chocolate go sit in front of the fire." Billy's head spins as Steve talks a mile a minute, gently nudges Billy toward the living room, despite telling him not to move, where a fire is gently going before turning on his heal. Billy is pleased that Steve doesn't falter at his scars on full display when the jacket comes undone, not that he is really surprised. Steve probably saw plenty of them while Billy lay unconscious in the hospital if everything Max said was true and he hadn’t faltered at the Christmas party.

"Who the fuck does he think he is, you can't just do that to people. To me I'm only human, shirts were created for a reason, so people like me wouldn’t have a fucking heart attack. Abs, abs, who has abs like that." Steve mumbles to himself as he walks the stairs, Billy suspects he doesn't realize he is speaking aloud and feels very pleased with himself chest puffing up unconsciously.

Billy toes his shoes off before heading fully into the living room, there are pillows on the floor near the fireplace and Billy take up residence on one. Billy enjoys the warmth of the fire as he listens to the gentle music coming from the record player, thankfully not Christmas music. Occasionally there comes a bang from upstairs as Steve moves around.

When Steve shows back up he is wearing sweats and an oversized knit sweater, the sleeves are pushed up, every time he lowers his arms the sleeves slide down trying to cover his hands. Steve has another sweater in his hand and a thick blanket. "Put this on." Steve says adverting his gaze when he thrusts the sweater in Billy's direction.

Billy takes it, slips the jacket off and replaces it with the thick sweater, he is a little surprised it fits, is a little big even. Steve may be a little taller than him but his build is definitely slighter, Steve would be swimming in it. Billy feels that lingering worry creeping in again, what if Steve is handing him someone else's sweater, it looks like the preppy shit Steve would wear but who knows makes him wonder about the one Steve is wearing.

"This is your sweater looks like it's even bigger than the one you are wearing, did you have a chunk phase while I was out of commission?" Billy asks gruffly and Steve turns back to him drapes the quilt over Billy shoulders, hands lingering as he smooths it down. He looks uncomfortable with the question and Billy assumes the worst wants to rip the shirt form his body as Steve bends down to pick up his jacket. Billy resists the urge to snatch it back.

"My mom sent it, she, uh got the size wrong. Really wrong. I'm gonna go make that hot chocolate." Steve looks sad at the admittance, hasn't seen his parents since he was seventeen maybe sixteen from what Billy knows. Billy is glad when Steve flees the room, doesn't know how to fix that dejected look.

The weather outside is picking up, the wind beating against the windows, the blue grey of the outside world is darker more sinister. The music switches to something a little bluesier and Billy just listens as he soaks in the warmth of the fire. When Steve comes back out he has a tray and hot chocolate isn't all he's brought.

"I made cinnamon rolls earlier, if you want." Steve explains setting the tray down on the ground before taking up residence on his own cushion. Billy has the urge to draw Steve close, hesitates grabs the cinnamon roll on a plate instead, isn't about to pass up food Steve made not after the pie.

Steve grabs the bottle of booze on the tray dumps a shot full into one of the mugs before turning to look at Billy. Billy makes an affirmative noise around his mouthful of cinnamon roll. Steve smiles coyly teeth in his bottom lip before his eyes cut away and he is pouring a shot full in the second mug. They're fingers brush as Steve slides the mug closer to Billy, Billy doesn't miss the way Steve bites his lips and flushes.

It's quiet as Billy eats and Steve sips at his coco, fingers covered by the sweater sleeved as he holds the mug with both hands. It should be awkward, and Billy does feel a little unbalanced but overall sitting with Steve is comfortable. Steve occasionally steals a glance at Billy looks like he wants to say something before his eyes shift back to the fire. Billy smirks into his own hot chocolate.

Steve shivers and Billy hass had enough of waiting for Steve to do something. "Come closer bambi." Billy says raising an arm with the blanket gripped tight.

"I'm fine, not cold. I actually know how to dress for winter." Steve sasses but Billy isn't fazed or fooled has seen Steve's little shivers even after Steve had disappeared for another blanket it hasn't helped.

"That's a lie but I am cold and body heat will warm me up faster." It's not true, Billy hasn't really been affected by that cold since the mind flyer, nothing comes close to the cold he felt while possessed. Steve doesn't need to know that though, doesn't need to know this is just an excuse to get him closer.

"I can bring you your jacket or another blanket, do you want another sweater?" Steve worries bottom lip in his teeth again as he looks at Billy in concern.

Billy sighs. "As much as I like the jacket I'd rather you just come closer." Billy urges, grabs for Steve but he is already out of arms reach, has already determined the best course of action. Steve puts another log on the fire, before disappearing up the stairs.

"I'm getting you another blanket, and some thick socks!" Steve calls and Billy groans in annoyance, Steve is such an oblivious mom. Billy won't turn down another blanket though, just because the cold doesn't bother him doesn't mean he likes it and it feels like the temperature in the house has dropped a few degrees as they've been sitting in front of the fire.

When Steve comes back down he curses. "Problem Bambi?" Billy calls only a little on guard.

"I think the power went out." Steve says as he comes back in the room, he has a whole pile of blankets in his arms. That would explain why it's gotten colder, the fire can only do so much with its embers trying to die out.

"Music is still on."

"It's got batteries, the big one blew out a few months ago, Robin brought the little one over with her this morning." Steve says as he dumps the blankets on the ground next to Billy. "Here." Steve presents him with a hideous pair of fuzzy socks, they're pink with blue and white snow men.

"What am I supposed to do with these?" Billy asks with a disgusted face. Steve takes a poker from the side of the fire place and starts poking at the new log, lodging it further back in the fire place.

"Put them on they're warm." Steve adds another two logs to the fire before getting up again.

"Why do you have these?" Billy asks, not moving to put them on.

"Robin got them for me along with a few others, my feet are always cold." Steve digs around in a cabinet coming back with more alcohol. He nudges his socked foot against Billy's thigh softly when he comes back over. The ones he is wearing are worse, bright purple and green, with Billy thinks they're supposed to be elves but they look closer to gremlins.

"I think these are hideous women's socks bambi." Billy reaches out and let's his fingers brush across Steve's ankle, there are shiny bits that scratch at his skin, he doesn't like that.

"Yeah they are Robin thought they were funny, but they're warm." Billy pulls a face, doubts they're any warmer than the socks he already has on. "What afraid you'll look bad?" Steve teases playful.

"No, I look good in everything." Billy grins, likes that tone, hasn't gotten playful Steve before.

"Yeah you do." Billy almost misses the mumbled agreement to the clink of bottles. He grins wider a gentle flush rising to his cheek that he will blame on the renewed vigor of the fire. Billy takes off his own sock and replaces them with the pink ones, they're thick and soft inside nothing like the coarse scratchy texture of the outside.

"What do you think?" Billy nudges his own foot a little more forcefully against Steve's thigh when he folds onto a cushion.

"Suits you." Steve tells him with a little laugh, and it's the first time a real laughs come out of his mouth for Billy. Billy can get used to this.

"Everything suits me, now get over here I'm still cold." Billy drags Steve over to himself before Steve can decide what to do. Steve flails for half a second before just letting it happen. Billy doesn't stop till Steve is right against his side.

Billy wraps the other blankets around them before reaching for the closest bottle and taking a long swig. Passes it to Steve who does the same, back and forth they go till it's half empty.

Steve leans more heavily against Billy as the booze starts to soak in, cheeks pink form both the alcohol and the fire. Looks floaty, just the right edge of tipsy and Billy always knew he would be able to drink Steve under the table. Not that he has a need to or even wants to, just likes to know he is right.

Billy let's his arm creep around Steve's waist, much more cautious than he has ever been with another person. Steve doesn't do anything doesn't move or try and get away. When Billy's palm makes a home in the slight curl of Steve's waist just under his ribs Steve lets out a soft contented hum, let's his head rest on Billy's shoulder.

They sit in silence, the crack of the fire, the wind outside and the low hum of the radio filling it for them. Billy drinks some more, Steve occasionally grabbing the bottle for a sip. Everything feels so much warmer in not time.

"Why are you here Billy?" Steve asks breaking the comfortable silence, sounds nervous Billy can feel him fidgeting against his side.

"What sick of me already princess?" Billy means it as a joke, a tease but his voice cracks a little, and he wants to punch something for the vulnerability he can hear in his own voice. Hates that feeling of doubt trying to creep in, it's not justified, not when they're basically cuddling. Rationally Billy knows this, but still.

"No, just don't you think Max and Susan want you around." Steve gives a little half shrug against Billy's side but otherwise doesn't try and move away. The logical answer helps push down Billy's doubt.

"They have each other. Max said you would be alone." Billy offers after he pulls his head back together, arm tightening just slightly around Steve's waist.

"Robin came by." Steve sound small when he says it, sad his own arms curling around his midsection, long fingers brushing Billy's.

"She left." Billy can't really help the cold tone that fills his voice, Steve doesn't deserve to be left all alone on Christmas.

"She has other people to see, she'll be back later." Steve gives another awkward shrug trying to melt away, Billy doesn't let him. Let's his fingers slide till they're gently twined with Steve's.

"I wanted to see you. That's why I am here." Billy admits. "I wanted to thank you for the jacket."

"You didn't have to come all the way here for that, I'm glad you like it." Billy can practically feel the smile that splits Steve's lips, feels his cheek apple against his shoulder.

"I also wanted to just see you." Billy puts emphasis on it, hopes Steve gets it. Billy usually so eloquent doesn't think he can find the right words to express himself to Steve. Not now, not yet, some day maybe.

"Yeah?" Steve sounds so hopefully delighted turns his head on Billy's shoulder so he can glance at him.

Billy moves, free hand sliding up Steve's jaws. Steve may have thought his gift had no strings but that's only because he doesn't do strings, not on purpose. Billy knows Steve is the strings, the potential pain. Billy thinks that as long as it's Steve as long as he gets to keep Steve he can live through them.

Billy presses his mouth against Steve's, who is practically melting into the kiss no hesitation. It's slow and soft, there is no rushing, no hurried hands, only gentle caresses. The fire burns and the wind whips as the radio battery dies, they don't notice to intent on learning each other’s mouths.

-b

Robin and Ashley stroll in at ten till eleven, hurrying to escape the snow they dash to the living room intent on getting in front of the fire. They pull up short at the sight before them. Billy and Steve wrapped around one another blankets and the fire keeping them warm. Robin shares a grin with Ashley before snapping a Polaroid.

-End

**Author's Note:**

> https://ghostofjellyfishforgotten.tumblr.com/


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